This past weekend we had to put our 12 year old Golden Retriever, Zoe, to sleep. It was so hard to finally come to that decision, but Mark and I knew it was time. In June, Zoe started having trouble and at that time we know our time with her was limited.
She started having trouble walking up and down the stairs of the house a few years ago, and that continued to get worse and worse. In June, she started having accidents in the house, so we took her in to be seen by the vet. The vet determined she was developing some nerve damage that would not improve with any intervention. We increased some of her meds and she seemed to get getting around better. The accidents decreased, but they were still happening. Her mind was still as sharp as ever. Our sweet little Zoe was still there.
Fast forward to the past few weeks and we knew it was time. She could not walk up and down the stairs at all. Mark has been carrying her to our bedroom each night for weeks. We have been cleaning up accidents for weeks. We literally have been helping her stand up and walk for weeks. She quit wagging her tail. She hardly ever got excited anymore...unless you said the word treat. That always made her ears perk up a little bit. And the last 2 days of her life that was all she had. She had treats for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Zoe was an amazing dog that the girls adored. She was so patient and so tolerable of everything with the girls. Zoe was my buddy and I can't quite figure out why. Mark fed her, gave her water, let her outside, let her back inside, played catch with her, gave her treats, put peanut butter in her kong, and bought her her Christmas presents. Yet, Zoe always followed me around. She used to sit down next to me and get as close to me as she possibly could. When Mark was downstairs and I was upstairs (at both this house and the old house) Zoe would lay in the middle of us...At the old house she would lay in the kitchen right near the stairs. At the new house she would lay in the entry way. She was always in the middle of us.
Zoe loved her peanut butter filled bones and stuffed animals she got every year for Christmas. She loved getting peanut butter in her kong. She LOVED the snow and hated thunderstorms and rain. She never really was trained to walk on a leash that well, so we didn't take her on many walks. She loved to play catch and would play all night long as long as there was someone there to throw her the ball.
Zoe was so calm and a well behaved dog. Although she always got excited when people came over to visit. She would go crazy like a puppy until you acknowledged her and then she would calm down. If she stepped on your feet, I'm sorry. I know that hurt.
The girls absolutely adored Zoe. Sometimes I would pick Zoe up from the groomer and then go pick up the girls and they were so excited to have Zoe in the car. Zoe never really liked the groomer or the vet and she hated the kennel we would have to send her to when we would go out of town. We used to take Zoe to Omaha with us, before the girls were born. But, after a while it was too much to take Zoe and the kids to Omaha, although the girls begged over and over again to let to come along. I really think Zoe was half human because she preferred to be with us any day over another dog. For example, we tried to take her to the doggie park to run and play with the other dogs, but she just stood there next to us the whole time. She adored us.
Zoe was great off the leash around the neighborhood. She might chase a squirrel here and there so you would have to keep an eye on her. Otherwise, we could have her out front with us and she would stay near us and not run off. She used to greet the girls as they got off the bus and she knew exactly when I would let her run across the street to go say hello to the girls. Then Lauren and Addison and Zoe would run back home! It was the greatest thing to see. Zoe brought us so much joy.
Playing in the snow was one of her favorite past times. A few winters ago when we were snowed in, Zoe was right there with us playing outside. She would run up and down the street playing with all the neighbors. We didn't have to worry about any cars because no one was outside driving!
The girls would always want Zoe to sleep in their rooms at night. She might start there and stay there for a while, but she always ended up wherever I was. Zoe was my shadow and my buddy.
In her final days this past weekend we cried a lot. It was so sad. We gave her a bath earlier in the week and it was very therapeutic for me to get her cleaned up and smelling better. All 4 of us helped get her cleaned up and dried off. Friday night Zoe followed me around the back yard begging for treats. She was able to walk Friday night and that was the last time she walked. Begging me for treats around the backyard. Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon I filled her kong with peanut butter and held the kong for her to enjoy one of her favorite treats in her final days. She couldn't even stand up to drink water, so I held her head up and helped her drink out of her water bowl.
Saturday and Sunday Zoe didn't move from this blanket. The only time she was outside was a few times when Mark carried her out to pee. Mark learned the hard way that the only way Zoe would pee is if he was holding her a certain way and pushing on her bladder. She was old and and heavy. I am so thankful Mark was able to carry her in and out of the house these last few days.
We spent the whole weekend with Zoe surrounded by us. The only time she was alone was when we had to go to Lauren's soccer game. We talked to Zoe, laid with Zoe, cried with Zoe, petted Zoe, shared memories of Zoe, and tried to savor the final hours we had with her. As I type this there are tears flowing down my face. We miss her so much.
Saturday night we had a slumber party in the living room. Zoe and the girls on the floor and Mark and I on the couch. Zoe spent her last night on the earth surrounded by us. I am so glad we did that. Mark had been sleeping on the couch the last few nights. Zoe was so hard to get up and down the stairs that it was just easier to keep her in the living room. But, if we were not there then she would have tried to walk up stairs to our room. Zoe always wanted to be with us.
My sister and her family came over Sunday morning to say their good byes to Zoe. When the door bell rang, Zoe barked. That was the most life she had shown all weekend. I know she wanted to get up and see who was at the door, but she couldn't move. She did not have the strength to get up any more. Saturday and Sunday she couldn't even stand up, let alone walk. Her breathing was becoming more and more shallow and I knew we were making the right decision, although an awful decision to have to make.
We hung out all day with Zoe on Sunday and made sure she was never alone. We got the call Sunday night at 5:30 that he vet was on his way and would be there shortly after 6:00. 6:00 came so fast. We are so thankful that the vet made a house call. We are so thankful that we were able to spend the whole weekend with Zoe. We are so thankful that I was able to be by Zoe's side the whole entire time. Mark and the girls went upstairs, but after the vet was done, they came downstairs to say good bye one last time. Oh man, it was awful but the right thing to do and the absolute best circumstances.
Addison was very sad and cried a lot these past few weeks. She did not want to put Zoe to sleep at all. She really didn't understand.
Lauren handled it better than I thought she would. She understood that Zoe was sick. She understood that we didn't want Zoe to die when we were at work or in the middle of the night. Mark and I were very worried about that. These past few nights at bedtime Lauren shared she has been talking to Zoe. She has been telling Zoe about her day and telling her how she misses her.
We have all cried a lot. Mark and I got Zoe 6 months after we got married. She was our first "baby." Our first true responsibility. Our first shot at parenthood. She taught us a lot and prepared us for the girls.
Lauren has the biggest heart and is the sweetest little girl. She made this heart of sticky notes and wrote Zoe the above note. I know Lauren will have more memories of Zoe and will hang onto to those for years to come. Lauren has told me over the last few days that she has been talking to Zoe. Breaks my heart.
This is the Zoe we want to remember. Just last summer, at 11 years old, Zoe was still out swimming at the pool. Until this past summer, Zoe never really acted old. At all. She still had a lot of energy in her and seemed to think she was still a puppy. We adored Zoe and the joy she brought to our life. We are so thankful that she was with us for 12 years. We gave her the absolute best life that a dog could have. We are so thankful for the memories that will forever be in our hearts and in our minds. Until we meet again Zoe.
August 2nd, 2003 - August 30th, 2015
